Wood’nBits Sued – Spawns Wand Recall
Anyone know a good lawyer? Wood’nBits is sitting in a precarious position of having a very powerful wizard upset with us. Being a modern, American wizard, he’s suing me rather than turning me into a toad. As I understand it, I’m being sued not only for his loss of time but for something called “negative career and reputation impacts”, whatever that is. Needless to say, I’m more than a little worried.
I thought I’d share with you the reason for my recall of all miniature magic wands created by Wood’nBits and to let you see some of the pictorial documentation upon which the lawsuit is based. Who’da thunk that a wizard used a digital camera?
These photos were passed to me by Pat Roberson. She rents the space to the wizard and said that the howls and screams coming from his dungeon the day of the incident caused her cats to hide under the bed. Here’s the basic scene:
It seems the wizard, one Mr. Rincewind, had two ranking members of the White Council in for drinks and was proudly showing them a new transfiguration spell. This was to be a proud moment for him, I guess, as the spell execution was part of a qualifying exam to gain membership in the White Council. As you can see, he was trying to turn a fish into a cat. My understanding was that he was a bit rushed in the incantation (part of my defense) as his cat saw the fish as a potential snack. In any case, the spell went awry and he created a fishcat – not to be confused with a catfish.
Needless to say, the White Council members were stunned, one of them spilling his drink. The wizard is claiming that my wand has not only damaged his reputation but also his chances of ever achieving White Council status.
The evidence, unfortunately for me, is clear – the transfiguration did fail. On the other hand, creating a new species should interest a bunch of biologists, don’tcha think? Surely he can make a buck or two from interviews with Larry King and Jay Leno! I wonder if a fishcat chases its tail?
It’s clear that Mr Rincewind isn’t the most organized guy in the world and I’m wondering whether I can use his cluttered work area as a defense if he proceeds with the lawsuit. I admit that his stuff is cool, though. The casket, reminiscent of some I’ve made, is beautifully gold-encrusted. But one has to wonder if all those scrolls laying around didn’t interfere with the energy in the room and possibly the spell result. Am I reaching here?
And look at the book carousel. Was he even reading from the proper text? One wonders. I’m feeling better about the litigation at this point.
Here is HIS prima facie evidence against me, a Wood’nBits wand in his hand right after he’s cast the spell.
While I’m feeling his case against me is weak, I’m issuing a recall of all Wood’nBits miniature wands sold between August 2008 and February 2009. If you have one of these wands, return it so we can replace the aural oscillator. We apologize for this inconvenience.
Cheers — Larry
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It seems clear to me, Larry, that this is another case of activism hiding behind litigation. I suggest a defense that builds on the precedence of gun manufacture; people have been trying to sue gun manufacturers for years because some criminal gets hold of a pistol and shoots a convenience store clerk. You as a manufacturer have no control over the user’s abilities, experience level, or motives. (The disorganization DOES speak to his character and can aid your defense.) Further, if this wizard is actually competent, he should have no issues re-doing the incantation and reconfiguring the… creature… to it’s desired outcome — you don’t deserve a suite because he needs a do-over. Seeking two or three respected expert witnesses should solidify your defense and counter-suite, if you are going for one.
Perhaps offering to simply replace his wand with a fresh one will appease him and win you an ally. I would consider adding some indelible labeling similar to what pistol manufacturers are using today, along with gobs of disclaimers in the instruction manual which I’m sure you provide with every wand. Perhaps there is an attorney or two that reads your blog who would be willing to weigh in on this and help prevent further damage to your industry.
Fantastic detail, btw!
Mack – The Wood Shepherd
I think you’re right, Mack. While I think he’s embarrassed, in the end, I suspect his attorney’s might point out that he hasn’t much of a case against me and that a craftsman should never blame his tools
Cheers — Larry
[...] I do find out what has happened to a piece and that’s really fun. Recently I showed you Pat Roberson’s wizard dungeon and one of my wands was part of the scene. I told her how much I appreciated that she sent me [...]